FICTION

In the first enthralling episode of The Flight of the Dickheads , ' Happy ' Bert Day and his merry band of production racing desperados has survived an air crash but looked like dying a slow and painful death by starvation , unless ...

WORDS : Moroney ILLUSTRATIONS : ‘ Douglas ’

THE carcass of the pilot , despised and reviled by the lads for getting them into a situation they had previously only read about in adventure journals in a dentist ' s waiting room , proved to be the first piece of good fortune in an otherwise dire spot .

Although a solid enough bloke , with a torso containing probably a fortnight ' s supply of meat , none of the lads could face the prospect of carving him up .

" We ' re not South American soccer players and this ain ' t the Andes ," Max said .

" I wish it was the Andes ," Bert chipped in . " At least then we ' d know where the hell we were ."

No , the dead pilot would not be sliced , filleted or barbecued with a touch of Av-Gas applied instead of chilli sauce ( to negate the saltiness ). He would be rightfully buried . It was the right thing to do , the Christian thing to do , Max , standing firm , insisted .

This was despite the fact their food supply was next to nil , and that Nod was eyeing up the deceased bloke ' s ears and insisting they looked like ' little croissants .'

" I didn ' t know you were a Christian Max !" Lenny said . " I ' m not ... I ' m a vegetarian ," he replied . Bert turned around and said he didn ' t know that ... that he ' d seen him eating burgers . " Yeah , with the pattie removed ." " What about pasta ?" Bert queried . " I ' ve seen you eating pasta and it comes from pigs doesn ' t it ?" Max rolled his eyes and turned away , simply saying ; ' nice weather we ' re having .'

And so , using strips of torn metal from the aircraft and their bare hands , they turned their attention to digging a pit to bury the pilot .

KIWI RIDER 65